Narcissistic Ramblings...

Listen Closely

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:09:17 GMT

ThingsMadeOfAwesome.com

Tue, 22 Jul 2008 00:39:58 GMT

So, after years of visiting a fansite just to hang out with the amazing people there (even though I wasn't even slightly a fan anymore), the webmaster of TMS has decided to make the coolest forum in the universe:

thingsmadeofawesome.com

Go there. Now.

Seriously.

It's like book club-meets-movie reviews-meets-funland-meets-chat time-meets-eyecandy-meets-random coolness.... it goes on and on and on.

There literally is something for everyone, whether you want to post pics and poetry, or that really cool video you found on youtube using a random word search or just look at teh pretty that is Robert Pattinson. (Oh, Edward... *sigh*)

But what makes the site super cool? The people. (The amazing people who I went to the old site just to visit... they are now on the new site, and are still amazing. The place is full of warm, friendly people who are excited to meet new people. Oh, and the webmaster is hot... but let's not focus on that.... okay... well, maybe for a little while. Mmmm... Adora... *love*

Perfection.

And um, why aren't you already clicking the link? WHY!??!?!!

You really should do it just because I said.

Obey the MoD!

Compliance is required. Thank you.

Songs Meme

Sun, 20 Jul 2008 00:46:59 GMT

Comment on this post, I'll give you a letter, you post your ten favourite songs starting with that letter.

</a></b></a>wannabonefatone gave me the letter T

1. These Foolish Things -- Billie Holiday
2. Thinking About You -- Radiohead
3. Tomorrow, Wendy -- Concrete Blond
4. Touch Me -- The Doors
5. Tree Top Flyer -- Stephen Stills
6. Tupelo Honey -- Van Morrison
7. Til Kingdom Come -- Coldplay
8. Time After Time -- Eva Cassidy
9. This Road -- Jars of Clay
10. This Is How I Disappear -- My Chemical Romance

The power of art.

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 23:20:08 GMT

The power of art isn't in the words or the paint or the clay...

Hands, thoughts, souls poured into art... thats the power of it. That's the place where art transcends the art form and reaches inside of us to become part of who we are.

It's escape.
It's a place to hide from all the shit in our lives.
It's the living of a fantasy that warms us when our realities are too cold to bear.

Art is what lifts us up above...

above survival instincts
above the mundane
above rules and sanctimony
above ourselves

So what does that make the artist?

A mentor?
A spiritual leader?
A goddess?

No.... No, that's the beauty of art. Because we are the artist... even when we didn't touch it. Because all of us living together have created an environment for art to exist. Because we breathe, one of us can breathe onto the page, another into her clay. Because we love, one of us can open her mouth and cry her anguish out in song. Because we are... because we feel... because we know... because we exist... art is born in the souls of everyone.

The artist is just a vessel. A vessel for the lifeforce of an individual, a body that can miraculously contain a soul.

The artist, then, has but one task. She must be willing.

Power always has a price. And for our artist, the price is exposure.

She must be willing to strip herself bare and stand up on a table in the center of the room and tear down all of the walls we spend a lifetime erecting. She must pour herself out for all to see, leaving nothing behind, until she is empty.

And there... in the mess... that is where art is.

It's sticky and nasty and full of sites and sounds and smells that we aren't ready to confront. But the purity of it stabs our hearts. So we go there... to that messy escape of art, and we nestle in and let the scent of it seep into our hair. We revel in the stains it leaves on our skin. For a few seconds we open ourselves up to the meanings and the messages and the transcendence of it all.. until we are finally, finally free.

And none of us can walk away unchanged.

Eco-Guilt

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 15:28:42 GMT

nataliedee.com

SYTYCD S4: Claena's Favorites

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:41:50 GMT

Instead of reviewing, because I know next to nothing about dance... I either like it or I am indifferent or I hate it... I thought I'd just post my favorite performances of the night and say why. Because I love this show in amazing ways. I love almost everything about it... for real.

#1 Mia Michaels... seriously. Every time I hear her name my inner-artist gets all giddy and excited. I so love everything she touches, and this is no exception:

#2 And then this surprised the HELL out of me... but I was all teary when it was over: I've never seen such a beautiful hip hop routine ever. It was just passionate and amazing.

#3 This is probably going to be my favorite couple, because I love Twitch:

#4 And I expected to hate this... but LOVED IT:

On a side note... I love Will, but hate his partner. so sad for will...

My personality button

Tue, 10 Jun 2008 14:24:08 GMT

stole this from odayski

About Me
Groundbreaking Thinkers are charming, enthusiastic persons. They really bubble over with energy and like to take centre stage. They love variety both professionally and privately. Groundbreaking Thinkers tackle changes consistently with their optimism and firm belief in their own abilities; they are always on the look-out for improvement possibilities. Their excellent communication skills are of great advantage to them here. They approach the world with curiosity and openness and master new situations with a great deal of talent for improvising and with resourcefulness. Their spare time is taken up with a large number of hobbies; most Groundbreaking Thinkers like to travel in order to gather as many different impressions as possible. This personality type is unbeatable at discovering new possibilities.

In their work, Groundbreaking Thinkers highly rate challenges and diversified tasks. They cannot stand routine and too detailed work. They love to astound others with bold ideas for an original, new project and then leave it up to the others to implement them. Hierarchies, rules and regulations arouse their opposition and they love outsmarting the system. It is vital to them that they enjoy their work; if this is the case, they quickly become pure workaholics. Their creativity best takes effect when they work independently; but they are very good at motivating others and infecting them with their optimistic nature. Conceptual or advisory activities appeal especially to Groundbreaking Thinkers. It can happen that some people feel somewhat duped by their flexible, spontaneous nature.

Their sociability and enterprise ensure that Groundbreaking Thinkers always have a large circle of friends and acquaintances in which activity plays an important role. As they are mostly in a good mood, they are popular and very welcome guests. Grumbling and peevishness are unknown to them. However, they do tend to be a little erratic and unstable when it comes to obligations and this makes them appear to be unreliable to some. Groundbreaking Thinkers are very critical and demanding when it comes to picking a partner because they look for the ideal relationship and have a very concrete picture of this ideal relationship. Mutual aims in life are very important to them. They do not like compromising and would rather remain alone. For the partner, it is often a challenge to have a long-term relationship with a Groundbreaking Thinker. Groundbreaking Thinkers need a lot of space and diversity or otherwise they become bored and feel cramped. Types who are rather more traditionalistic often have problems with the willingness of Groundbreaking Thinkers to take risks and their often crazy, spontaneous actions. However, if one can summon up sufficient flexibility and tolerance for them, one will never be bored in their presence and will always have a loyal and faithful partner.

Adjectives which describe your type
extroverted, theoretical, logical, spontaneous, rational, innovative, intellectual, open, independent, curious, enterprising, analytical, clever, enthusiastic, venturesome, inventive, energetic, sociable, optimistic, non-conformist, creative, freedom-loving, charming, able to get enthusiastic, self-confident, communicative, capricious, inconsistent, outgoing

These subjects could interest you
documentaries, books, talks, museums, computer, Internet, strategy games, politics, drawing/painting

This time with feeling...

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 21:52:40 GMT

I love this quote. I love this quote so much that I'm going to post it again, just so that some day I'll come back and read it and remember that I love this quote.

You should love this quote too.

I am so beautiful, sometimes people weep when they see me. And it has nothing to do with what I look like really. It is just that I gave myself the power to say that I am beautiful, and if I could do that, maybe there is hope for them too. And the great divide between the beautiful and the ugly will cease to be. Because we are all what we choose. -- Margaret Cho

My dream Fall tour...

Sat, 24 May 2008 21:12:36 GMT

Because I'm living in fantasyland today:

And maybe if that was the opening act for this:

... and then I would have to quit my job and follow them around the country. Just sayin'.

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Finale RESULTS

Thu, 22 May 2008 05:27:04 GMT

This is it… the final episode of one of the best Idol seasons ever… and yes, I admit that the hype wasn’t all overplayed. But before we can find out who takes home the title, we have two full hours of performances and fun.

Um… so, filler. And I have this feeling that we might just see Ryan schilling products and various Fox movies and shows… so, a normal results show night. Huh.

But this is new and improved filler!! With celebrities!

The show starts with David C. and David A. facing each other under the spotlight. How they kept from laughing, I’ll never know. Because I would have totally busted up and ruined Ryan’s fun. (But Ryan likes it when I’m naughty.)

The cameras pan the audience to show off celebrities, who I remember from various television shows in the 80s and 90s, but whose names I’ve never known or cared to know. They all have kids now, though!

97.5 million votes came in last night… and the totals were 56% to 44%. Not as close as everyone seemed to think... but still amazing.

But true to form, ex Idols are in the home towns to show us how much the top 2 are loved. Say what you want, but I still love Matt Rogers in lovetastic ways.

The performances start with SYTYCD stars flanking the Top 12, with everyone in Finale white. The camera is a little spastic, trying to show us all the stars at once, but I'm sure we'll see them later on in all of their glory.

When we come back from break, the Davids are dueting on "Heroes," where we learn that the sound men suck at blending (um… duh), and that David C. is way better at harmonies. But it’s a super cool moment, and I have love for it… not just because my love David C. is wearing a black leather jacket. *purrrr*

Wait… is that Ryan schilling a Fox movie? Yes! Yes it is!

The boys got a private viewing of Mike Meyers’ new movie, The Love Guru. And in a moment of fancy greatness, the boys actually get to meet Mike Meyers in character. Oh love. He offers up advice… he tells David Cook to shave and David Archuleta not to tug at his pubic hair. WHA?!?! omg. I love Mike Meyers so much! And when Cook finally lost it, I was almost crying I was laughing so hard. This should tell you a lot about my jacked up sense of humor.

Highlights:
• His whispered love to Simon.
• Mr. Seafoam.
• Ryan on the floating pillow of fear almost killing a cameraman.

Syesha is up next singing “Waiting for You” with a special guest: Seal. Get out! Which makes me jealous of Syesha for the first time ever. Wow. You can so tell that she’s intimidated beyond all… and deservedly so. Too cool.

And did anyone notice how hard it was for Paula to get back in her seat in that dress? Classic!

Back from the break, Jason Castro takes the stage to reprise “Hallelujah.” And my lowered expectations of reprises are blown away. He really is brilliant on that song. Despite obvious nerves, he manages to create intimacy in a 7000 seat stadium. Blows my mind.

And instead of the top two in a Ford commercial this year, we get a bloopers real of the top 12 in all their various commercials to the tune, “Let the Good Times Roll.” Cute!

Ryan brings the Davids out… and gives them A NEW CAR! Yeah… and this year, they get Escape Hybrids. Nice! I actually forgot they did that.

But the girls are up next singing Donna Summer hits. Group sing badness. And Amanda looks miserable… and the choreography is horrid. But it’s fun to hear Amanda sing. And we’re reminded yet again that she should have outlasted Ramiele. And then Donna Summer comes out to sing her new single. (She’ll be in my town this month. I know you're all jealous.) It’s not a bad song, but I’ve never been a huge fan, so… Was that Ryan trying to dance?

But then Donna sings “Last Dance,” and she sounds great, which is why we love her. She hands the mic off to Syesha, who probably should have sung that song in 70s week, for real.

More commercials… blah.

Carly Smithson and Michael Johns are dueting next, singing “The Letter.” I was actually hoping they’d reprise their “One” performance from Ellen. If you haven’t seen it… go to YouTube… now. The band is a little Brady Bunch Hour on this song, but these two are so fantastic singing together that I don’t care. They should totally tour… opening for Cook in the Fall.

What? A girl can dream, right?

Jimmy Kimmel is up next to roast the show again. It was okay… but the Simon montage was giggle-worthy.

The top 6 guys are up next singing Bryan Adams songs? Could it be?!?

So… true confessions time: It’s just possible that I’m a closet Bryan Adams lover. So you’ll excuse me while I SQUEE LIKE MAD when he comes out to sing! It’s like my dream night! Oh love. Needless to say, seeing Cook’s arm around Bryan Adams made my heart go: *happy sigh* How Idol loves me.

Jordin Sparks does a commercial for the new Disney American Idol Experience theme park event...

Oh Lord... they really are taking over the world.

And then… just the coolest moment. David Cook joins ZZ Top to sing “Sharp Dressed Man.” Niiiiiice. Fangirl smile? Check. And Cook even pulls out the ZZ moves! Just too great.

Brooke White is up next singing “Teach Your Children well,” with Graham Nash. Coolest guest stars ever this year! Seriously. God, this song reminds me of my childhood. Perfect for Brooke.

And for those of you who totally missed it… we enter the second hour of the show with a special present just for me:

My love David Cook lip syncs “Old Time Rock ‘n Roll” Tom Cruise style for a Guitar Hero commercial. Um… pant-less… Um… I think I can’t breathe. WHAT?!?! That collective thud you just heard was all of his fangirls dying on the floor.

Luckily for you, my beloved husband The Lumberjack managed to revive me, and after I watched it over again a few dozen times (to make sure I accurately depicted it in my review… of course), he also reminded me that there was more finale to watch.

Three more rewinds, and I was ready to move on… ish.

Did I mention he was not wearing pants?

Is the room spinning?

I have no idea who is on the stage right now. But they look barely pubescent and like they belong on a Disney show… so I can only guess these are The Jonas Brothers. I think that’s Sanjaya’s cousin on tambourine. He sings slightly better… but seriously. Remember when TPTB brought us awesomeness like The Monkees? I miss those days.

Ryan has a random woman on stage with him who is pimping Randy’s suit with more style. Her name is Pat, and he uses her to introduce the tape of bad auditions. I fast forward. Once is enough. Of course, after that, they bring out that white feathered boy with the Best Friend Forever song. And then there’s a marching band and cheerleaders… and I’m starting to think that the lack of oxygen during the Cook commercial scrambled my brain. Is this really happening? And then Randy and Paula go up on stage to dance with them, and I’m pretty sure someone slipped drugs into the Coke cups tonight. That has to be it…

Right?

… I need another glass of wine.

One Republic is up next singing “Apologize.” Cool band. Cool song. So I’m just going to sit back and enjoy it. And then David Archuleta comes out to sing with them… and I see a whole new side of him. Could Archie turn out a cool record after all?

Probably in a couple of years. Once he ditches the baggage promoting him (whether that’s his dad or the Idol crew), and grows up a bit so he can spin out some fantastic lyrics… I bet he could totally find a niche in this genre. He doesn’t quite keep up with Ryan Tedder, but still. Josh Groban's market share might just be safe after all! Coolest performance from DA ALL SEASON LONG.

Jordin Sparks comes out to sing “One Step at a Time.” Well… I should say she skips out onto the stage… *sigh* Then she tip-toes around the stage… because the song, it's about stepping. And in case you didn't realize that, she totally is acting it out for you.

... I might have fast forwarded a little. The Lumberjack says I just cheated… but come on, people. I sat through that Jonas Brothers shit. That should count for something!

I did stop in time to see Blake Lewis singing along from the audience. He’s still my favorite cutie from last season.

A digital recreation of a super young Gladys night with Ben Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey Jr. as pips… :haha; Better than the creeptastic Elvis thing from last year. Everything Jack Black does makes me laugh. Ev.er.y.thing. I’m a freak like that.

Carrie Underwood is up next singing “Last Name.” There’s some kind of squealing coming from the New York area. If you can’t hear it… you’re not listening. But I think she raided Dolly Parton’s old wardrobe trunks for her outfit tonight. Seriously.

The Top 12 come out one last time to perform a George Michael song… which makes me think he’s here tonight. The girls sing “Faith,” and the boys sing “Father Figure,” which Michael Johns pulls off in so many sexy ways. They end the medley with “Freedom,” and of course… the entrance of George Michael.

Sorry to the GM fans, but he’s so affected, over dramatic in bad ways, and his voice is definitely fading. Paula is crying… but that’s no great feat. And I’m just waiting for it to be over because my Tivo is all caught up now. Eh.

Oh… and he has a cold, which could explain the bad vocals. Sadness for him! He's still an affected bastard.

Only five minutes left, and it’s time to crown a winner. GAH!

The judges blather… and I don’t care. (Although Simon apologizes, which I love.)
Some random accountant comes out… and I DON’T CARE.
And just about the time I’m ready to reach through my television and throttle Ryan… he reads the results:

The winner of AI Season 7 is… David COOK!!!! OMG!

I squee and freak out in big bad ways. You can tell DC doesn’t know what to do with himself. And then he starts to cry, and great… now I’m crying, and TLJ is mocking me openly. I’m just too happy for him. He totally deserves it.

He sings the coronation song of suck… which sucks less because he’s singing it. It’s called “This is the Time.” And I love that he brings all the contestants out onto the riser with him. And I love how emotional he lets himself be. And I love him.

And I honestly couldn’t ask for a better ending to a really great season.

So... in all of that happiness and bliss, I'm saving the rest of my doom until next year…

(And it's just possible that I'm rewinding to the Guitar Hero commercial ~~one more~~... ~~a few more~~... to my own death and doom. HA!)

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Finale

Wed, 21 May 2008 04:32:50 GMT

So, I have to admit that this is a sad, sad night for me. It’s the second to the last show, and I’m NOT READY!!

Add to that Cheese Factor-10 with the boxing ridiculousness at the beginning of the show, and I’m like…

“But where’s my Ryan?”

But then he comes out in all his gorgeous splendor. *purrr* Wow, and it’s a giant stadium of a thing, the Nokia. More boxing blahness. *yawn* But it looks like they brought back Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber to mentor the boys. Very cool!

Ryan brings them out and asks them predictable questions, then looks to the judges table for advice.

Randy: Drop it.
Paula: Soak it all in. (And in case they haven’t said it enough… she reminds them that we’re in the NOKIA™ theater.)
Simon: Hate your opponent.

But they don’t, of course. The Davids exchange fantastic love, and then… a commercial break. This is Idol, afterall.

Because Clive Davis sucked hard at song selections last year… they decided to promote him to selecting one of the songs for the top 2. Oh sadness.

And his choice for Cook? U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”

God, I’m going to seriously hate this boxing crap by the end of the night. *sigh*

My love David Cook starts off quietly with a guitar as his back. And when he brings it up, it doesn’t quite hit the energy that it could. But everything changes when he goes out on the riser. The camera shot was amazing, showing him in front of this huge audience, cast in blue lights. Just really cool. And I think that’s when the energy really started to build. It was really good. Nothing new or surprising about it, but definitely a great vocal and fantastic performance.

Clive’s choice for Archuleta? “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me” by Elton John.

David Archuleta starts off on the steps. And for just a minute it was so reminiscent of Sir Elton… and not in a copycat way. It’s like he got the cool vibe of the original or something. But when he stood up for the chorus, that all changed for me, and he reverted to his balladeering ways. A truly great vocal, until close to the end, where he lost his way on the ad libs a bit. But the boy can sing ballads like no one else. Do I think it’s the best performance of the season? No, Randy… I don’t. But he’s a sweetheart of a thing, and you can tell how emotional he is about the night. But he almost has a heart attack when Simon told him that Round 1 = Archuleta.

I’m not sure whether to route for him to win Round 2 or not. Wow.

Cook’s next song choice is from the songwriter’s competition--“Dream Big.” And he pretty much killed me with the guitar and leather jacket… but putting my fangirliness behind me (yeah, right), it’s very pop rock… which isn’t my favorite of his rock styles. But he actually managed to work it out. Not a fantastic song, truthfully. And it looks like despite earlier predictions, the judges are definitely not excited about Cook’s offerings tonight. Simon’s right, though, it’s not an anthemy, inspirational ballad of suck… which may be why I could tolerate it.

Now, onto the anthemy, inspirational ballad of suck…

Archuleta chooses “In this Moment,” which screams coronation song just in its title alone. And it is… typical AI ballad of wrong for the finale show. If I’m being honest, I thought it was safe and unimpressive. I know, I’m being hard on him, and I’m a total biased fangirl for Cook. But I actually thought Paula said it best… another heartfelt performance. Nothing special or grand about it. Blah. But Simon hands him Round 2… and I’m starting to see a trend.

The final song is the contestant’s choice, and David Cook chose “The World I Know,” by Collective Soul, which is a fantastic, fantastic song. He starts off with just an acoustic guitar, totally destroying me forever. He builds it up slowly, and then ends it just hauntingly and emotionally. And then he cries, and I cry… and GOD I love him. Randy reminds us that he should already be making records. Paula gives him a standing ovation. Simon is being a jackass… and wanted him to reprise Billie Jean or Hello… obviously setting up to give David A. the night.

So. not. shocked.

But I thought that was a fantastic performance that on any other night would have had the judges jumping out of their seats.

David Archuleta chose to reprise “Imagine,” from way back on the tiny stage. Bad idea, I think. These reprise things never end up measuring up to the original performance. Still, it’s intimate and beautiful, and a phenomenal vocal... and far enough away from the original performance that it doesn't beg the comparison outright. But it really was just more of the same from him. Basically, another safe choice. This is a song he's been singing for years in every venue he could play. It's hard for me to be impressed by that. Still, the judges drape him with the winner’s cloak and rant and rave about the greatness that is David A.

… and here’s where I get honest:

If Idol really is about crowning the next hot recording star, and rewarding risks and talent and professionalism and uniqueness, David Cook will win. But it’s not. It’s about anthems and emotionalism and everything that David Archuleta stands for. In the end, the boys have both already won--career-wise, and everyone knows that.

But in my mind, David Cook should take the crown. And maybe he still will…but with Simon and Co. backing Archuleta's safe performances… it’s probably only wishful thinking.

We'll see tomorrow night!

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Top 3 RESULTS

Thu, 15 May 2008 05:18:14 GMT

In what will most likely become the most predictable of all result nights this season, Ryan reminds us that at this time next week, we’ll be crowning the next American Idol. And tonight we get to hear Fantasia… but first, we have to hear an embellished trio of voices singing, “Ain’t No Stopping Us Now.”

*sigh*

Will there ever come a day when Idol realizes the sadness and wrong of the group sing? Signs point to no.

But the Ford commercial is up next. And it’s... a commercial.

Ryan announces there were 56 million votes last night. I’m pretty sure about a million of those came from Florida... for David Cook.

And then we get a performance from Fantasia, who I’m convinced is going for Grace Jones’ place in the new millennium… and is one James Bond film away. For real. She sings “Bore Me,” which is high energy, but screamy. So… um, a Fantasia performance. The look on Simon’s face is PRICELESS. AHAHHAHAHAA And totally worth sitting through, um… that.

Oh love. I need more Simon in my world. What will I do without him this summer?

Love me some Nigel, maybe? (SYTYCD = love.)

David Archuleta is summoned to the stage by Ryan to watch his Utah homecoming footage. Television, radio, the mall… it was screamtastic. Highlights? When David was attacked by a cheerleading squad. When he wondered where all the people parked. HA! And when his eye was poked out by the Mayor's crazy mustache… oh wait. That was just in my head. David is a cutie, though. And when he sang “Imagine” for his High School, we’re reminded of his real potential. I really do hope he finds a career niche. He is an amazing vocalist.

As a twist, we’re going to see the AI montage for each of the contestants, just so we don’t miss out on seeing the footage for whoever makes the finale. I actually like the idea, because I’m a sucker for that kind of thing.

Syesha is up next. She was sent back home to Florida… to television, autograph signings… you get the idea. Highlights? When some woman put her baby in Syesha’s arms while she was being ushered past by a police escort. Her pseudo inspirational words for her high school. And some woman named Luann doing a handstand out of love for her Idol. More tears, of course. But instead of endearing her to us, her AI montage makes me sigh. From the pageant statements about sharing her gift with the world, and new reminders of her dad’s drug problem, to the cutsie poses for the camera… eh. I’m still wondering how she made it this far, if I’m being honest. No offense to her fans.

Up last is David Cook, who was sent back to Missouri. Television, radio… blah, blah, blah. Highlights? David Cook the weatherman. His very own Sanjaya-esque crying girl. HA! And the moment between David and his music teacher… Gah! Even his brother was tearing up at the end. Oh cute. And personally, it’s too cool for me to see him still in the competition. I loved him from “Happy Together,” and it’s always nice when enough of the voting public sees what you see in a contestant to keep them in the competition. I’ll definitely miss seeing what he comes up with week after week… but I’ll be first in line for his new album, for sure.

And now we find out who is in the finale… David and David.

… so, Ryan hasn’t said it yet, but it has been written in the stars for weeks. Say what you want, but those two deserve it. They’ve been consistently great throughout the season.

And Syesha is going home. Not shocked about that, but if I’m being honest, I never, ever thought she’d make it past Top 9.

So it’s David and David in the finale!! Can. Not. Wait.

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Top 3

Wed, 14 May 2008 04:53:36 GMT

It’s Top 3 night, which means that next week, we’ll learn who wins Idol Season 7… NEXT WEEK! Gah! I’m not ready for it to be over! Oh sadness.

But tonight there are three Idols singing three songs a piece… and we’ve got plenty of filler time, so Ryan intros the judges (you’ll be shocked, but Randy boo’d Simon), and then the Idols were introduced.

David Archuleta starts out the night, singing “And So It Goes,” which is my favorite song ever by Billy Joel. This song was chosen for him by Paula. She thinks there’s a complex melody in this song, but she’s (as usual) totally wrong. The melody is simple, but that doesn’t make the song less difficult to sing. David sings it simply with just the strings at his back, and even a cappella at the beginning. It’s lovely, but kind of passionless. Still, I liked it, until the end. And when he went for the last big run, it was just over sung to me. It’s a beautiful song in its own right. And to be honest, if he’d just sung the song, connected to it, and put his whole heart out on the line, it would have assured him the victory. But, like Simon said, it was good. Nothing unexpected… nothing amazing. But good.

Syesha is up next, singing Randy’s choice for her, “If I Ain’t Got You,” by Alicia Keys. It’s an easy choice for her (read: predictable), but unfortunately is a preview of her coming album release. So… predictable, mediocre R&B – in stores this January!! Seriously. She brought nothing new or exciting to the song. It was totally mediocre compared to the original, but did we really expect Syesha to bring something new to a song? Ever? Um… it was okay. David A.’s got her beat by miles and miles with a lackluster performance of his own.

My love David Cook is up next singing Simon’s choice, Roberta Flack’s “The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face.” First, let’s just be straight here. Roberta is my favorite artist evah, for real. So, he really must not disappoint. Hot damn! And he doesn’t. Wow. He started out with just an acoustic guitar back, which was beautiful, and intimate. And you could tell he was holding back for a soft sound, which almost felt unsupported. But then he starts to build as the music builds behind him, until the end, which was just amazing. And I’m always so relieved when he hits those glory notes. Ahahahaha. God, that was brilliant. Randy, evidently, wanted David to have a predictable song like Randy gave Syesha. (Thank God Simon was making the choice.) And I end up agreeing with Paula and Simon. It was brilliant. I thought it was fantastic, and if this isn’t available as a studio version, I shall cry real tears.

And then two win moments back to back… “Round one goes to Cook and Cowell.” Oh, Simon… how I love you… and then Cook winks at his mom and I sigh with fangirly affection.

*happy sigh*

David Archuleta’s second song is delayed by a visit to the Coke Bubbles Stool of Marketing Doom™. But his song choice is next, and he chose “With You,” by Chris Brown… and I have to admit that when I heard the lyrics of the first verse today I started to giggle at the thought of li’l Archie singin’ ‘bout his “boo.” (The giggles actually started in England and then infected me.) But seriously, in no world does Archuleta put out an album like Chris Brown. In. No. World. And the giggles begin anew as David manages to sing the whitest version of that song that ever was sung. (And there are mad covers on YouTube.) Someone needs to point him towards his Josh Grobin future and away from the hip-hop stations. And then he flubs the lyrics again. Ouch, baby. It was pretty much a hot mess. Luckily he has another song to sing, and we can only hope that redeems him, or we’ll have to hear Syesha attack the Cheezy Ballad of Hatred in the finale. David… seriously, now… SAVE US FROM THIS FATE.

And then Ryan calls Simon his boo, and I giggle and purr I delight. Ryan always knows just how to love me when I'm feeling scared.

Syesha announces that she’s going to be singing “Fever” by Peggy Lee, complete with stripper chair and bouncing eyebrow. Her performance was so over the top, that I actually hit rewind so I could close my eyes and just listen to the vocal. And here’s a shocker… the vocal was actually REALLY amazing! Do I love her sultry jazz sound? YES.

Dear Syesha… more of that… Yours in the artist you should be, Claena.

The judges are wrong, of course. Simon’s right that the performance part of it was SUPER cabaret, but the vocal was A. Maz. Ing… so I forgive her for it. Ish. I mean, I'm not forgiving her to the finale or anything. (Damn you, David A, and your words forgettingness.) (I get to make up words because I have an English degree. )

David Cook, who was supposed to sing a Collective Soul song as his choice, is instead singing “Dare You to Move,” by Switchfoot. And Ryan asks him about it from Syesha’s chair… too cute. David plays guitar for himself, which I love. He starts out with some pitch issues, which surprises me from him. (Tired voice?) And then Randy gets his Rock. But even in his element it feels like something is off for David tonight, and it’s just weird. I still love it… and I actually love his voice on this song (um... when it's on key). But just as things start to build, the song’s over and I feel like someone pressed pause right at the good part. Just a weird, weird performance, and a HORRID arrangement. Here’s hoping he’s reserving his voice for the last one.

David A wins for worst song choice of the night, as he sings “Longer” by Dan Fogelberg, selected for him by some nameless producer on a bender. (And we thought they liked him!) He does as well with it as anyone could be expected to. But talk about an overplayed, outdated, yawner of a song. Boring and forgettable… but totally not his fault, this time. Worst. Song. Choice. Evah.

Poor guy. Simon predicts him into the finals, and here’s hoping!

Syesha is up after the break, singing her producer’s choice, “Hit Me Up” by Gia Farrell. It will probably shock no one that I’ve never heard this song in my life. But Syesha shakes her hips and her boot and I suppose she sang it well. Nothing great. Eh. Paula doubts Syesha will make it into the finale… yeah, most people will agree. I think most of us would be surprised to see her there, but you just never know.

After yet another break, David Cook is up. His producer choice is the epitome of predictability, “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing,” by Aerosmith. Sadly, this song makes me think of Armaggedon, the most predictable non-sports movie in recent history. And now, I’m super worried about my love. *sad sigh* He starts out with just strings backing him, which is cool, and then jumps to the bridge for the build. But then rocker Cook, ready-for-sell-out-stadium-gigs comes out in full force, and the audience goes CRAZY. And they should! That was fantastic! The arrangement was really great; I even loved the sustained dissonance at the end. *happy sigh* SO good. Not my favorite performance of his, but I thought it was an awesome end to a mixed night.

Predictions? Nothing new, I’m afraid.

David-squared in the final. Syesha going home. But I think that’s been fated for a while now.

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Top 4 RESULTS

Thu, 08 May 2008 05:02:04 GMT

Results night, and I’m all about the predictions: This is not gonna be a shocker night. I say this because the only real shock would be a David going home… and that’s not gonna happen. But Ryan tells us there were over 51 million votes last night, and that Maroon 5 AND Bo Bice are performing tonight.

But could this influx of special guests save us from the Group Sing of Fail™?

*sigh*

The Idols sing Steely Dan, and the highlight was when they stopped singing and the band took over.

Wait… I take that back. The highlight was seeing Judge Judy in the audience.

I heart Judge Judy.

Ryan pimps the tour, and then it’s wine time, as a recap of last night reminds us how bad the Tina cover was, how ordinary the Duran Duran cover was, how the Marley cover wasn’t as bad as we thought last night, and how the Ben King cover wasn’t as good as it seemed at the end of the first round. I was in wine coma for the second round recap… so fill in for yourselves.

And so Ryan, being all about the business, invites David Archuleta out to usher him into safety. Why even go through the motions, Ryan? We know he’s safe. And in the mean time we’re all finishing his sentences, since he doesn’t ever seem able. He’s safe. Shocker.

And then the Idols’ trip to Vegas to see the Love/Cirque show. They meet dolphins and sign autographs for the cast, and generally get screamed at. Big fun.

Is anyone shocked that David Cook is the next person to join Ryan? No? That’s because he’s safe too. We all know it’s between Jason and Sayesha. And it is… David is safe.

And then Ryan pulls a stunt that only Jason could fall for… but he is of course not telling us now who is going home. Why? Because first we have to see the Idols play Matador for the Mustang… and sing Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire.” Um… odd.

Taylor stamps! Audience questions!

1. David Cook doesn’t want to date a complete stranger. Huh.
2. Syesha has stage fright, David A. doesn’t know, and Jason’s brain is dead. HA!
3. Simon asks himself daily why he hasn’t been knighted by the Queen.
4. Syesha is uncomfortable being the only girl, but Paula feels fantastic about her situation.
5. David Cook heard from Our Lady Peace after he performed “Innocent.”
6. Simon is available to play James Bond. *yawn*

And, to celebrate their summer tour, Maroon 5 comes out to sing “If I Never See Your Face Again.” There is much squeeing in Iowa… Much. Squeeing. But as much as I like certain songs off the M5 albums, I still get this Boy-Band-With-Instruments vibe from them. No idea why. Hey… they’re like The Monkees!

Adam is funny, though. He made out with Mayer once… which probably makes me jealous of him somewhere in my mind. God, I hate when my Tivo runs out and I’m forced to watch commercials. It makes me ramble. I think I need another glass of wine.

Up next is Bo Bice, singing his hit “Witness,” which I shall sadly never own, since he only sells them at Walmart, and I hate that place. But thank GOD for Bo recording the album he should have come out with years ago. SO. GREAT. God, I want that album. *sigh* Conviction sucks ass.

Dear Bo… iTunes… for real.

Can you imagine if Bo had been able to play guitar during Season 4?

Um… Carrie, who?

Syesha and Jason stand with Ryan after the break to learn who goes home. I know it’s probably Jason, but I’m still hoping for an all boy Top 3. But I am disappointed. Sadness. And Jason is going home.

Aww. I’ll miss him greatly.

He is relieved, though, to not have to learn three songs for next week. HA! And he sings us out with “I Shot the Sherriff.” Too cute!

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Top 4

Wed, 07 May 2008 04:52:23 GMT

It’s Rock ‘N Roll Hall of Fame night on Idol… which I’m hoping is awesomeness defined. It starts off nice enough with secksay Ryan in all his gray suit glory. *purrr* He, of course, reminds us that this could be a shocker week if people get lax about voting… and I’m sure somewhere a still tormented Daughtry fan is humphing haughtily.

Oh Season 5… how you haunt us still…

I will now hum “Cleveland Rocks” while Ryan narrates the history of Rock.

David Cook gets the first performance slot, singing “Hungry Like the Wolf” by Duran Duran. (Oh, lawd this works for me in so many ways… *happy sigh*) No change up from him tonight, he pretty much sings the song the way Simon would. (Le Bon… not Cowell, for those of you who never lusted after Nick Rhodes.) And sadly, I have to agree with Randy… it’s okay. Nothing spectacular, but well performed. If I’m being honest, it was safe. Here’s hoping he brings the love in round 2.

Syesha Mercado is up after the break singing Tina Turner’s “Proud Mary”… Girl doesn’t learn, apparently. (Note my complete shun of the Coke Stool moment of blah. When it becomes worth my time, you’ll hear about it again.) She was scared (and rightfully so) to perform this song. Why? Because despite the hundreds of covers this song has been subjected to, no one has ever given if what Tina gave it. Ever. Syesha’s lame attempt at choreography only served to remind us of that. But the vocal was good. Looks like the judges are pushing for a girl in the Top 3. I thought it was a bedroom performance… like teenage girls in front of mirrored closet doors.

Jason Castro takes spot three, singing Bob Marley’s “I Shot the Sheriff.” He’s surprisingly high energy when the song starts, which is kind of refreshing for him. Not a fantastic vocal, but it was cool to see him get into the song. And to be honest, I liked it a lot more than the judges did… and when I’m agreeing with Paula, I get scared – for real. Look, Jason is who he is. He’s not the American Idol, and that’s probably why I like him. He’ll never be inspirational ballad man… thank GOD.

David Archuleta is up next singing “Stand by Me” by Ben E. King. And here we go to the opposite side of my musical spectrum. I’m probably harder on David A. than I should be, because it’s just not my thing. With that in mind, I love, love, loved the acoustic vibe, and thought the vocal through 90% of the song was really, really great… and then came the end. And when he went up high it was a little whiny and nasally to me. Ooo… and Simon agrees! (He just wants to be my BFF again.) But it still was on the good side of cool, and maybe one of the first covers of his where I want to hear the studio version!

David Cook is up next, attempting “Baba O’Riley” by The Who. (Squee!) And as soon as it starts, I get all giddy to hear a new version of the song. Kind of a risk, though… it’s such an iconic song. He turned rock anthem into rock ballad, and I’m sure the purists will snarl and snark, but I actually liked it. I was kind of hoping he’d go crazy at the end, but it was still really cool. And now I’m DYING to hear the studio version.

Damn you, Idol! You force me to iTunes weekly!

Syesha’s second round, and this time she’s tackling Sam Cooke’s version of “Change is Gonna Come.” (yikes!) Did she actually just compare the civil rights movement to her journey on Idol? Really? The taped pieces are not her friend. And, sadly, this was a giant pile of over sung, over dramatic performance. And then she starts crying… and I kind of don’t buy it. Sorry to the fans, but it seems awfully contrived to me. Call me calloused and wrong, and I’ll take it. But now I’m all kinds of irritated with her.

Castro’s up, singing “Tambourine Man” by Dylan. Nice choice for him, really. It starts out great, and then he totally drops his lyrics… and damn. I’m pretty sure that’s not survivable this late in the game. Sadness. I’m still a fan… but I’m pretty sure this is it for him, unless his fanbase goes completely rabid tonight. Here’s hoping.

David Archuleta ends the night with Elvis. And I say, “Wha?!?” Yeah… I think I even said that out loud. He’s singing “Love Me Tender,” which is just the oddest of all choices to me. He proves me wrong, though. That was pretty fantastic. Vulnerable, original, passionate: I can so see that finding a place on AC radio. I’m not jumping up and down, but it was everything that was missing for him last week, and it’s nice to see him come back to himself as the competition heads toward the finish line. Great job!

So, who’s going home? I think it’s going to be between Jason and Syesha… and at this point it’s all about who’s fanbase has the most power. Jason most likely won’t get any casual votes, though… so Syesha might just pull it out another week!

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Top 5 RESULTS

Thu, 01 May 2008 05:43:46 GMT

It’s another elimination night, and over 45 million votes came in last night… despite the hot mess of chaos that it was. Tonight will feature two special guests, but first we have to endure a “tribute” to Neil Diamond, via the Group Sing… as if that man hasn’t been destroyed enough by these contestants.

Oh my…

Just. Wrong.

So, do you think Nigel will apologize to Neil in person, or…

With a full hour to fill, and only five contestants to torture, Ryan points out Gina Glockson, Constantfright, and pimps AI Extra.

… yeah. I watch it.

Shut up.

And then recap, which is when I refill my wine glass in a vain attempt to drink the horror of the group sing out of my memory. It doesn’t work, and then I get a double blow, by learning that Paula’s not leaving the show.

Oh, sigh.

Ryan decides it’s time to separate everyone out, and he starts with:

Jason Castro… who is safe.

David Archuleta comes out next, and he’s safe, and yes I’ve written that before Ryan’s done interviewing whoever is nearby with questions that mean nothing. So by the time he actually declares him safe, I’m wondering what next week will bring. Evidently it’s Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. Cool.

Mmm… Ryan. (Sorry… filler makes me lusty.)

And then… THEN! We get a preview of SYTYCD Season 4. Oh yays! I seriously can’t wait. I so love that show more than I should.

Gratuitous Coke reference? On Idol? Someone won something or something. And Randy's a craptastic hand model.

Ryan next calls out my love David Cook. He is safe, because America fears my wrath.

Which means the predictions of a girl-girl bottom two came true. Could we have an all guy top 3 this year? That hasn’t happened yet.
Ryan, of course, doesn’t reveal the eliminated contestant… it’s only half over, people!!

Next up is Natasha Beddingfield, who I haven’t heard of. I attribute that to my lack of pop-listening radio time (and her lack of performances on Graham Norton), but despite its cliché club sound, it’s not a horrible song. And she’s one of the few performers who has managed to be decent while performing on the AI stage. But once her song is over, she goes up to give David A. kisses. Awww.

And then… audience questions:

1. Paula feels for the contestants, and that’s why she’s nicer than the male judges.
2. Paula and Randy may or may not work together in the future, no one can ever tell because the two of them are unintelligible.
3. Simon does indeed remember his first kiss, and his first crush, Tara, actually called in!
4. Ryan thinks 9-years-old is too young to be kissing.

It’s Hybrid commercial time, and the American Idols sing “Catch the Wind” and dress normally for the first time ever.

Neil Diamond is up next singing “Pretty Amazing Grace,” in that sing-speak way of his that only he can seem to pull off. It actually starts off very haunting, but the chorus is a little hokey. So… typical Neil Diamond, I suppose. But he gets a standing ovation, and we get to meet his mom (who so looks like she could fit into Mike Meyer’s Coffee Talk skit). Neil offers up some really decent advice to the Idols, but mostly just tells them to keep at it. Cool.

And here’s where we lose someone. Ryan calls over the girls, and they both look really emotional, despite their earlier stoicism.

And Brooke is going home. She totally breaks down… and is still crying when her good-bye piece is over and it’s time for her to sing. She manages to eke through some of the song… and then my Tivo cuts out, which I’m thinking is a good thing.

And while I’m sad that we lose Brooke, I’ll most likely like her album better if she does it on her own, so I’m pretty glad she’s not up for the big win. And really she went out on one good performance, which is cool.

Rock N Roll next week, kids!

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Top 5

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 04:50:41 GMT

So, it’s Neil Diamond week on idol… And while I understand that he has super mega hits and a bevy of followers, I’m just wondering why the hell they’d choose Neil Diamond as the week when the Idols sing two songs apiece.

Who knows? Maybe it’ll be fantastic… or, um… Neil Diamond-y.

Ryan is still reeling from last week’s elimination, but he manages to push through the pain and introduce the judges… and then the top 5! Yay! Right away I think that David Cook is looking mighty hot, and Syesha is looking extention-y.

Evidently it’s Nouns-as-Adjectives night in Claena’s world… don’t let it distract you.

Jason Castro is singing “Forever in Blue Jeans” and “September Morn” tonight, but he starts with “Forever in Blue Jeans.” You know, this was kind of blah for me. I think I would have loved an acoustic take on this song. As it was, it’s just a little safe and forgettable to me. The judges, though, are staying silent until after the second song. This is probably a time thing, but it’s weird, and I think it’ll suck if someone has a killer first performance and a sucktastic second.

My love David Cook is up next daring to share his soul on the Coke stool. But he turns the table on Ryan, and asks him the questions back. He’s singing “I’m Alive” and “All I Really Need is You” and gives Mr. Diamond chills. (I would squee! here, but the last time we heard "chills" from a mentor it was for KLC ughness.) He starts out with “I’m Alive.” And it’s good, but not amazing. It’s nice to see him do something upbeat and rocky. But it’s not a stretch to take these into rock land. No real impact, and kind of safe, but still decent enough to allow my fangirl out a little.

Brook White is singing next. She’s chosen “I’m a Believer” and “I Am, I Said” as her songs. She starts off with “I’m a Believer”… a cringe-worthy choice, to be sure. And I did not cringe in vain. It was super-karaoke, and she even slipped out another “Woo,” just in time for me to sigh and shake my head in sadness. Eh… here’s hoping this night gets better, because so far I’m less than impressed on every front, and it’s making me cranky.

Best AI sign ever? Yes… “My husband has a man-crush on Ryan” wins on so many levels. But when the fan signs are better than the performances, it's a nasty night on AI.

David Archuleta goes for the most popular songs of the bunch, and is singing “America” and “Sweet Caroline.” I get ready to cringe again as the first strains of “Sweet Caroline” come out, but he does okay with it, actually. He oversings a little in the middle, and the band falls into the cheese track towards the end, but overall it was good. Eh. I’m still not in love with tonight.

Syesha is our last chance for redemption, and is singing “Hello, Again” and “Thank the Lord for the Nighttime” tonight. Right away I know all hope is gone as she sings the heartfelt ballad “Hello, Again” with a stupid, cheesy smile plastered across her face. God this screams “PAGAENT!!” from the mountaintops. It’s like a giant blinking neon sign of sadness with a “Doesn’t Connect to the Lyrics” slogan. Horrid. *sigh*

So, then Ryan brings out all of the Idols and asks the judges to go through and comment as quickly as possible. Randy reveals his favorites are David Cook and David Archuleta by spinning their average performances into goodness. Paula gets confused and comments on Jason’s second song before he’s even sung it. Um… wha?

COULD IT BE HER COMMENTS HAVE BEEN CANNED ALL THIS TIME?!?!!

Paula should have to pee in a cup to qualify for her judging spot. Seriously.

And then Simon speaks the truth to all of them. Although I would have replaced “amateurish” with “cheesy” for David A…. he proclaims Jason forgettable, Cook as barely above average, Brooke a nightmare, and Syesha Old-Fashioned.

Yep.

Still, their “let’s try something new with the judges” experiment was a hot mess.

Please let Round 2 be better…

Jason Castro leads the pack again, singing “September Morn.” And I am SO loving this song for him. It starts off brilliantly, and I wish, wish, wish he would have stayed in that vibe for the whole song. But instead, he lets the orchestra swell, and it went all the way down to fail. You could tell even Jason didn’t like it, as he gets uncomfortable and stands awkwardly, sings without any connection, and ends barely keeping the smile off his face. Sadness.

David Cook is next singing “All I Really Need is You.” He starts off with an orchestra intro, and then breaks off to just his guitar until the chorus, and it’s fantastic! Finally a performance I can rave about! And when he drops back for an acoustic finish, I’m just in love all over again. Oh David… how you saved Neil Diamond night. Fantastic. I really can’t wait to hear the studio version of this. I can’t imagine that I didn’t just hear the best performance of the night right there.

We are pressed for time tonight, but we still manage to eke in Cola-time... yay? But after she stands up for her I’m a Believer mess, Brooke sits at the piano for “I Am, I Said.” I kind of like her on this song, actually. She brings back the folk vibe to it, and even when the icktastic orchestrations come in, she keeps her own sound to it. Nicely done! Yay! Is there hope that I could forget the first half of the show?

Signs point to no.

And because we couldn’t let this song go unsung (DEARGODWHYNOT?!?!), David Archuleta is up next with “America.” I will say ahead of time that if he doesn’t change this up, I’ll hate it. And I hate it. Ugh. No idea what the judges are smoking, but that was just unimpressive to me. It was mid-range, typical, safe, forgettable. He brought so little to the song, it could have been sung at any graduation ceremony across the country. Really bad song choice for him. REALLY, really bad.

Syesha ends the night with “Thank the Lord for the Nighttime.” It starts off very Motown-ish and cool. You can tell she’s having fun with it. And when it veers towards a gospel sound, I’m still digging it. I think it’s the perfect genre mix for her. And I think she’s got to let the ballads go and focus on the high-energy stuff for real. Do I think it’s enough to save her from doom? Eh… not sure. And Simon agrees with me… because he looooooooves me... or... whatever.

Top of the group? David Cook and Brooke (only because we’re ignoring the first songs altogether.)

Bottom? I think it’ll be Jason and Syesha facing elimination… but if Jason’s fangirls text like mad, it could still be a girl-girl bottom two.

All-in-all... I'll still be calling this the Night of Fail. Sadness for Neil Diamond.

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Top 6 RESULTS

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 05:05:00 GMT

It’s results night, and we start off with a group sing of “All I Ask of You.” *sigh* This isn’t the greatest year for blending voices… and it is a tragic hot mess. But… isn’t it always? Still, tonight we have Sir Andrew playing piano and watching the Idols so earnestly, maybe he hopes to imbue harmony skills on them with his mere presence.

Not even his Broadway powers of love can accomplish such a miracle.

But his interview with Ryan was super cute. And we come back from the commercial to see this week’s Ford commercial, sung to the tune of “Tainted Love.” The, um… plot? is David A. drawing the contestants comic book style… and they look super hot and full of win.

Um… so, I might be a bit of a comic geek. Shhhhhhhh.

The president approves of Idol Gives Back. Yay.

And then Ryan announces that tonight we will have a bottom 2 instead of a bottom 3, and then brings out the two Davids… or the poised and the awkward.

They are, of course, both safe. And we’re probably looking at the top 2 right there… not that I’d make a prediction or anything.

When we come back, Ryan starts to list off the Idols that have been or are on Broadway.

Diana DeGarmo (Hairspray)
Fantasia (The Color Purple)
LaKisha (The Color Purple)
Tamyra Gray (Rent)
Clay Aiken (Spamalot)

Um… Clay and Leona Lewis on the same night? Is anyone else hearing screams and faints from Florida? Can someone please revive adoraheatherlyfor me?

Leona Lewis from the UK’s X-Factor comes out next to sing her hit “Bleeding Love.” (I personally liked his Joss Stone discovery more… but that’s just a question of style. They’re both talented as hell.) Ooo… fire. If I’m being honest, she’s better than that song.

Ryan calls out Syesha and Brooke next. Anyone taking bets? You probably shouldn’t. After rambling answers to dumb questions, Brooke is safe and Syesha is in the bottom two. Wow. Didn’t expect that at all.

That leaves Jason and Carly, who come out to join Ryan after the break. And in another shock, Jason is safe and Carly is in the bottom two.

This is the weirdest year for results nights. Seriously.

But Syesha and Carly sign their songs again, which is cool for us, kind for them (not to have to sing while crying). And really, whoever goes home, they definitely go home on a super high note. But one has to go home, and tonight, Carly is going home. Sadness.

Well, next week we get Neil Diamond… really? Two songs a piece on NEIL DIAMOND night?!?!?!

… save me.

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Top 6

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 06:00:30 GMT

It’s Andrew Lloyd Webber night… show tunes anyone? And tonight the orchestra is on the stage. Very cool. ALW seems like a super cool mentor, though, prodding the Idols to focus on the lyric and the story. Yay!

Syesha starts off the night singing “One Rock N Roll Too Many,” from Starlight Express. She jumps the piano and starts off rhythm, but the beauty of a live band is that they adjust… and they did. And talk about her element. She totally plays it up. She looks fantastic and sounds fantastic. I thought it was really good. She should totally go after Broadway as a career for real. She seriously just came alive… like for the first time tonight. Even Simon thought it was sexy!

Up next is Jason Castro singing “Memory” from Cats. But first he has to live amongst the Cola bubbles of ad-mania. He admits he’s not quite a musicals type of guy. Um, duh. And can I just say now that Andrew Lloyd Webber is making me like him more with every clip? LOVE HIM. Jason sings from a stool, with no instrument in his lap, no amazing lights… just him and the song. And I thought he was mesmerizing. It wasn’t a fantastic vocal, or a performance to bring down the house. But it was beautiful, and heartfelt, and I loved it.

Brooke is singing “You Must Love Me” from Evita. Sadly, she has another false start, and even gets the orchestra to start over for her. The vocal was good, but it seemed like a really safe song to me. It’s not a hard song to sing, but it is dramatic song. And that’s kind of where it all broke down for me. ALW says she’s a natural actress, but for the first time, she seemed just so fake as she sang… like she didn’t really connect to the song, but she was pretending to. Weird? I don’t know why I felt that way, but I did.

David Archuleta is up next, but we do have to get two Coke interviews in or the world ends. But tonight, David is singing “Think of Me,” from Phantom. He’s the only Idol so far that puts a more modern, non-show spin on the song, which surprises me. It’s kind of a cool take on the song, but more importantly, David just has such a beautiful voice. It’s a little safe, maybe, but I’m sure his fanbase will eat it up. Not the stand-out it could have been.

We come back and Carly Smithson is being told NOT to sing “All I Ask of You.” (thankyouverymuch, Andrew) Instead, she’s singing “Jesus Christ, Superstar.” I love this kind of Rock/Gospel feel on her… like love it more than anything she’s sung all season, without exception. (And her dress… want.) That was just freaking amazing! I LOVED that song on her. And that is what she should have been doing from day 1. Tons of energy, great vocal. The judges are on crack to not be totally applauding this. Love her.

David Cook ends the night singing “Music of the Night” from Phantom. And… oh.my.god. I’m fangirling out all over the place. All season I’ve secretly wanted him to just get up there and sing a ballad. And he did! It started off a little awkward, but he totally fell into step with the feel of the song… and then just slammed out the high notes. I mean, showing off his pipes here! It was just beautiful. Fantastic vocal, and I love him more and more… is that even possible?

And then Ryan sings and my life is complete.

And the girls love David… duh. (erm... me too.)

Top? CARLY, Syesha, CARLY, David Cook, CARLY… oh love for Carly tonight.

Bottom… I think, sadly, it’s gonna be Brooke. But at this point it can be more about fanbase than performance. So, I guess we’ll see.

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Top 7 RESULTS

Thu, 17 Apr 2008 05:16:46 GMT

I’ve already had three people contact me and ask me if I know who got voted out yet, so I’m guessing that it’s another shocker week…. Ugh.

Know this now, America... If either Jason Castro or David Cook go home, there will be much wrath.

Much. Wrath.

But first, of course, we have to sit through a Mariah performance and filler of love.

The highlight? Cutie Elliot Yamin is back to sing. Yay! So much love for that boy.

36 million votes this week, and really, that’s a ridiculously high number. But even that can’t stop the tragedy of the Group Sing… and here it is. The idols are singing some Mariah/Boys2Men collaboration that I’m sure I would have heard if I ever listened to pop radio in the 90s. But alas…

Um… is that Kim Locke on one of those Lyrics shows? Huh. I couldn’t be bothered to stop my fast forward, though… so I could be wrong.

Once I do stop my Tivo… I get a recap of last night. (Hmm… should not have stopped so soon?)

Mmm… Ryan’s combing through Simon’s closet again? purrrr...

Too delicious. So instead we’ll focus on Ryan’s separating the safe from the doomed.

Jason Castro is up first, and doesn’t get to know either way. Why? Because there are seven contestants, so Ryan, being the lover of all that's familiar, is splitting them into two groups and one will be the bottom… the other will be the top. How do I know? Because this is SEASON 7. (... and I've been watching since Season 1... with a small sabbatical for Season 4, in protest of J.Hud's unfair ousting in Season 3... but that's a topic for another day.)

David Cook goes to the opposite side of the room. Of course… Can’t have both my favorites in the same group. Ugh. Heed my warning America. HEED IT!

Carly, after some admonition for Simon, joins Jason. (And this also had better not be sadness.)

Kristy Lee calls Simon a “butt”… and then joins David Cook. Damn. Now I have to hope my love is in the bottom for KLC to go home. Suck.

God, I hate these nights of moral dilemma and catch 22.

We come back from the commercials to the Idols in a commercial for Ford, of course. They’re singing “I Want to Break Free” while playing corporate puppet… literally. Cute.

Elliott is up next! YAY!! God, I love him. I’m making a prediction now that he’ll be 20-times better than Mariah tonight. Um, and I love this song—“Free.” He’s seriously, on a personal level, the greatest contestant ever to be on the show. Seriously love him.

Seriously.

Love.

But tonight’s about elimination, so after Ryan offers up condolences to Elliott for the passing of his mom (I. will. not. cry.), he calls Syesha out, and sends her to join Jason and Carly.

Brooke comes out next, and is pulling for the vegetarian vote… as she joins David and Kristy Lee.

Poor David Archuleta is left backstage to wonder what is going on… because maybe he didn’t watch the last 6 seasons or something. And we go to commercial… and get excited about So You Think You Can Dance. (squee!)

Fan questions up next! I shall again summarize:

1. Kristy Lee can’t buy her horse back, because the guy she sold it too isn't interested in selling.
2. Saturday is National Record Store Day (get to the stores!) And the judges are all old enough to have purchased their first albums as records.
3. Paula feels that all of her hits best describe her relationship with Simon. Blah.
4. Simon uses many words to say “Horrible,” because he's evil. Duh.
5. David Cook is single. (Sadly for him, I am not. Poor David.)

Mariah is up next singing “Bye Bye” from her new album… into a jewel-encrusted microphone stand of girlie splendor. And with a giant apology to all the Mariah fans of the world, I’m kind of sad for her right now. That was just weird and not at all good. It was like she was directing herself on the notes with her finger -- weird. And at one point I think one of her backup singers is outshining her… but then she goes into this weird squeak thing and Mariah falls back into actual singing for a while. Eh. I’ve never been much of a fan, so why start now. She was a great mentor, though.

Randy’s actually cute when he’s embarrassed. Ahahahah!

And finally to the results, and now I’m all nervous. But Ryan recaps the two groups and then calls out David Archuleta. But he is, of course, safe.

Then Ryan makes David Cook and Syesha swap places. Um… oops? But of course, now the dividing line between safe and not safe is totally clear. And is, as predicted, an all girl bottom three.

Ryan asks David A. to choose, and he sits down in the middle. (Totally the Taylor move.) Ryan tells him to scoot towards David Cook, Jason Castro, and Carly, who are all safe (um… duh). But instead, David C. joins him in the middle sitting on the stage. Jason sits too, but Carly can’t, cuz of her skirt, so she just pushes Ryan. AHAHAHHAA. Love.

That leaves Kristy Lee, Syesha, and Brooke in the bottom. I’m not surprised, really. But when we come back from the break, Syesha is sent back to the couch of safety, leaving Brooke and Kristy Lee. I’m pretty sure Brooke is going home. Sadness.

Simon announces it’s time for KLC to go (and GOD, don’t I wish).

OMG… it happened! Horsegirl Goes Home!

The one week I refuse to beg, America sends her home.

Aww… but now she’s crying and I do feel a little bad. I’m sure she’ll have a hit on the country charts this time next year. But it was honestly past her time. Sorry to her fans, but at least she sings out on a cute note, singing directly to her nemesis Simon. HA! I almost like her a little for bringing the funny.

… almost.

Next week is Andrew Lloyd Webber. Show tunes, anyone?

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Top 7

Wed, 16 Apr 2008 04:38:14 GMT

It’s Mariah night!!!

…

Yay.

So, I’m not a Mariah fan. (Sorry, Randy.) And I’m worried about some of my favorites, who aren’t exactly run-friendly popstar types, but if Dolly Parton night can surprise me, anything’s possible.

First impressions? Was gold lamae on sale, Syesha? *shudder* Oh, stylist… how I hate thee.

David Archuleta gets spot number one. He’s singing “When You Believe,” and the audience starts cheering in the mentor clip. Ahahahaha. The girlies love them some Archie. Because he’s a lyrics whore (like me), I was afraid he was going to go verse-heavy again on the arrangement, but it was actually okay. Still, I think he over sang a bit, which is odd for him. And not all of the timing worked, for some reason. It was good, though. And Randy’s right: he can sing anything.

On a side note: Simon’s right as well… this is going to be much harder for the girls than the boys. And I think Syesha’s going to have the hardest time of all.

Carly sings second, but before she does, she’s surrounded by the swirls and bubbles of Coketasticness. She’s singing “Without You,” which is a super smart choice, since it’s not exactly a Mariah original. And she sings it really well. It wasn’t amazing, but it was very strong, and one of her better performances in my mind. Here’s hoping the voting public agrees. The judges are on crack. I decided.

Syesha is up next singing “Vanishing,” which I’ve never heard before now. Maybe it’s obscure enough that no one will do the comparison act in their brains? I love that she does it with just the piano. And I even think she sings the song really, really well. But I’m not sure she has the fanbase to pull her through. I hope so, though, because she did a fantastic job.

We come back from the break to Brooke sitting in the Coke Stool, confessing that she missed her sister’s wedding this weekend. Sadness! She’s singing “Hero” at the piano. You know, this was a little off for me. She seemed really nervous, for some reason. And there was something uncomfortable about some of it. It was cool in places, but not her at her best, I think. I’m not sure that was good enough to stand out tonight.

Kristy Lee Cook is up next, singing “Forever.” Her arrangement of this song reminds me of something else, but I can’t think of what. It was okay. She was a little off pitch and off rhythm through the whole beginning, but she found her way back towards the end. Still with the dead eyes… and the gold lamae couldn’t hide her weird stance. I’m just not a fan. (duh.) And I really think it’s just time for her to be gone. Send Horsegirl Home!!

My love David Cook is up next singing “Always Be My Baby,” which has got to be the weirdest song choice of all time. To be honest, I kind of expected to hate it. I even expected to find it predictable or off. But I really, really loved it. I thought it was unpredictable and amazing. He took a bouncy pop tune and reminded us that the lyrics are touching and deep, but quashed in the original version. Just amazing. And for those who don’t know why he was crying, his brother, who is sick with cancer, managed to make the trip from the Midwest just to be there that night. And to have an amazing night like that for his brother’s visit had to be perfection for him. And he deserves it. Another trip to iTunes for me.

Jason Castro is in the pimp spot singing “I Don’t Want to Cry.” And I was stunned, if I’m being honest. I’m SUCH a fan of his. And that was brilliant. I don’t care what any of the judges say, really, he’s fantastic. That was deep and heart-felt, and so amazing. Another track I’m totally buying tomorrow. He connected to the song. He connected to me. I just can’t wait to hear the full version.

Is it possible? Did the boys make me like a few Mariah songs? Really?

Top for me: David Cook, Jason Castro

Bottom: Brooke and Kristy Lee

Do I even need to beg? Would it do any good?

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Top 8 RESULTS

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 03:21:08 GMT

So, last year we went through an entire hour of filler and the stress of results night, only to find out that charity starts at home for the AI producers and no one was going home. I’m pretty much thinking that if they don’t do that tonight, they’ll seem like total jerks, but we’ll see how it all plays out.

First up is a recap of Idol Gives Back (my own thoughts may show up someday). Including the figures… over $60 million, not counting downloads and other moneys raised. And then the Idols recap their group sing of “Shout to the Lord.” Can I say that it’s a little odd to me that they’re singing this song? Church music on Idol? It’s not even a new song (um... or a great song... did I say that out loud?) Just odd. But I love the David Cook ad libs… of course.

And what IGB week would be complete without a celebrity montage? This one features the Monkee’s singing “I’m a Believer.” Too cute.

Over 31 million votes came in… and Ryan starts calling out the contestants one at a time in his oh-so-evil way. And first up is…

Brooke… who, of course, is safe. Because we love her.
My love David Cook is up next. He should be totally safe, because he is love and right. And he is… because America fears my wrath.
David Archuleta is up next, all smiles, despite the TMZ much-ado-about-nothing scandal. And he’s safe, of course.

And then, of course… the break... of course... (yeah... I'll stop using that right about now.)

We come back to another clip of Forest Wittaker and his wife in Africa. So, after I go through about 900 tissues… there’s Jordan Sparks with Chris Brown singing the only song I’ve heard of hers so far that I didn’t hate. Then she gets awards, blah, blah, blah.

We come back from the break to the love that is the Ford commercial. The idols are playing with paint and singing “I Just Want to Celebrate.” Cute. But we’re in results night, and Ryan calls up…

Jason Castro… who is safe. (Love him!)
Kristy Lee Cook is safe. (*sigh*)
Which leaves:

Syesha, Carly, and Michael Johns in the bottom three.

Still leery that any one is actually going home, I quickly fast forward through the commercial break… only to hear from Bono and the candidates.

Another break, and then we’re talking to the bottom three. And here's where everything gets wonky. Ryan says, “Syesha and Carly, you are safe.”

And with just Michael Johns left, I start to think that they are just fooling again. But they’re not!

Crazy!!

Michael Johns is going home!

Too crazy. All the fangirls are devastated, I’m sure. And Ryan reminds us that it’s his first time in the bottom three… and boom. I’m still so shocked, really. And my in-laws are threatening an AI boycott… so I’m running off to calm them all down. And then I’ll try to figure out how the hell someone like him got voted out before the Kristy Lee Cooks of the world.

So wrong.

And because I promised her I'd put it in my "blog-thingy," my Aunt Jody says, "He's more talented than half the people who are safe tonight."

(She said it about 14 times, I think, before falling into her "My poor Aussie boy" mantra. I love her.)

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Top 8

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 00:35:52 GMT

Is that an even newer logo I see? American Idol around the world? Mmmm... Idol power. Love.

It’s Idol Gives Back week, but first we have to see the little people sing… inspirational songs, of course.

And we start with Michael Johns who’s sporting the ascot again. If this becomes his lucky charm, I'm totally starting a campaign against the stylist. He’s singing “Dream On” by Aerosmith. He does an okay job of it too… until the Falsetto Screech of Doom™ where he loses me completely. Oh sadness and wrong. So sad that he went back to the rocker. Michael, you are a blues/soul singer. Sing that. I actually agree with Randy here, and I even understand his anger. Michael is capable of SO much more. And I’m tired of hearing him sing under his potential. Then Paula tries to compliment him by comparing his Falsetto Screech of Doom™ to her Chihuahuas. HA! And then Simon says what I said.

He’s always copying me.

Syesha comes up after the break to the Coke Stool of Pimpage. She’s singing Fantasia’s song “I Believe.” Why? Because Syesha is determined to beg us to send her home by breaking every unwritten Idol rule in the world. Syesha, dear, never EVER sing the signature song of a past idol. Just. Don’t. Do. It. Unfortunately for her, when the choir comes in, they totally overshadow her. Not her fault, though. The sound guys are so horrid on this kind of thing. She does a great job on the vocal… with the exception of a few baubles. But she has nowhere near the charisma of Fantasia. And THIS IS WHY YOU NEVER EVER SING THE SIGNATURE SONG OF A PAST IDOL. *cough* Bad plan, baby. Just a really bad plan.

Was I too subtle?

Jason Castro is singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” as covered by Israel Kamakawiwo’ole—oh yeah... I looked that up. He even sports the ever effective rock-Ukulele. (On a side note: I hate this version of the song because I’m anal retentive on lyrics and Israel's are all over the place in this. But a 90 second version shouldn’t trip off my lyric alarms too badly. Ahahaha) It’s the perfect choice for him. It’s a fantastic cover, and I could honestly sit back and listen to Jason for hours. The false was great, the passion was there. He injected himself into the song. That was fantastic! LOVE HIM. Just. So. Great. Randy was right… it could be a hit on the radio tomorrow.

Kristy Lee Cook is up next singing “Anyway” by Martina McBride. Upfront, I have to say that the arrangement starts off a little disjointed, and her pitch wasn’t great… um, again. I also thought the lyrics were performed in this contrived way that completely irritated me, and even when the song was completely in her realm of experience, she was dead eyed and disconnected from the song. And then, of course, her cowgirl stance is back. Ugh. Not. A. Fan. I agree with Simon. She’s not a great singer, but she is a smart contestant. And still, with that being her best performance yet, it pales completely when compared to the rest of the singers this year. And if another great singer goes home while she stays, it’s a complete crime. She can top herself every week, and still she won’t be good enough… and it’s soooo far past time to send the girl home. For the love of all that’s holy and just and right and good… Send Horsegirl HOME!

please?

My love David Cook is up next, singing “Innocent” by Our Lady Peace. Fantastic song. Still loving the hair. He started off low, and it was… um… not good. But once he jumped up an octave, it was great. I still want to send the sound guys back to school. You can hardly hear him once the chorus comes in, but it was still good. I loved the song. I loved his vocal. But, sadly, it wasn’t anywhere near his best. The writing on his palm was a little contrived. I do wonder if the song would have had a better impact if the sound wasn’t so jacked up. But despite that, the song might be too subtle to stand out on inspiration night. Not horrid, not spectacular. But I’m pretty sure I’ll still love the iTunes track.

Mmm… David Cook is love…

Carly is singing “The Show Must Go On” by Queen. She seems a little distracted, but the vocal is pretty good. There were a few places where she seemed to be out of sync with the whole performance… like she couldn’t find the pocket (to steal a funk cliché)... but it was more like she couldn't connect to the music or the lyric or the audience. I actually thought that it was a great song choice, but it just wasn’t a great performance. She’s still got an amazing voice, but I think Simon’s right. She’s in trouble. Sadness.

David Archuleta is in the red-bubbly spotlight when we come back from the break. But he doesn’t have to stay too long. Still, the pressure’s on him. If he can’t pull off this week, he should be in serious trouble. He’s at the piano, singing “Angels” by Robbie Williams (squee!) And while I think the arrangement was waaaay too verse heavy, he still pulls off an amazing comeback half-way through. He was meant for this kind of music. And really, no matter what he does from here on out, this is the kind of CD he’ll put out after Christmas, for sure.

Brooke White closes the show singing Carole King’s “You’ve Got a Friend.” Perfect song choice for her... but maybe not for the night. So, I love Carole King… and I’m going to be so biased on this… fair warning. (On a side note: If you haven’t heard Aretha’s version of this song mixed with Tommy Dorsey's "Precious Lord", it’s brilliant and amazing and I love it more than is healthy. Go. Listen.) Brooke sings this version brilliantly, of course. And I do think this is totally her niche. But again, I think it’s too subtle for a night like tonight. I still love her. And I still think she could teach a class on what it means to connect to the lyrics of a song.

So, best for me? Jason Castro, David Archuleta

Worst? Kristy Lee Cook (please… I’m still begging.), Carly Smithson

And I have to put in a special category this week: People who make me mad? Syesha and Michael Johns.

And for those two I have a message: MEET YOUR POTENTIAL.

If they actually send someone home this week… Carly’s in trouble. Because as long as the judges continue to give KLC a pass, she’s bound to keep making it through. *SIGH* killmenow.

And worse for me? I’m up in Oregon this week, and she’s all over the news. ALL. OVER. THE. NEWS.

"What locals are doing to keep our homestate girl in the running!"

Being in the state of your least favorite Idol contestant? Bad idea.

Oi.

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Top 9 RESULTS

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 05:30:21 GMT

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that tonight we will witness the worst Group Sing in all of American Idol history. This isn’t a reflection on Dolly Parton’s writing skills as much as it’s a reflection of arranging the songs of solo acts in chorus fashion. This should never be done.

Never. Ever.

But it is, of course, a jam-packed hour, according to Ryan. And I’m sure there will be no filler whatsoever. Believe that!

And instead of the medley, tonight we are treated to an Idol Group Sing of 9-to-5. Not quite the disaster I predicted! But I do think it’s humorous that Brooke sings country better than Kristy Lee. Bwahahahahaa. Still… glad that’s over. How could I not be?

Recap of last night. And then right into the first round of bottom three segregation.

Michael Johns is safe. (duh.)
David Archuleta is safe. (duh again.)
Carly, after some Ryan torture (purrr) is safe.

More commercials, and we come back to the fan questions.

• Syesha misses hanging with her friends and family.
• David Cook wishes he were more organized.
• Randy wants to work with the Idol winner this year.
• Michael and David joked that they want to duet “Islands in the Stream.” Cook’ll sing Dolly’s part, of course.
• Simon promises to never, ever apologize after a negative critique again.

Next up is the winner of The Next Great American Band: The Clark Brothers. They are made of awesome and right, and in the two whole shows I caught of that contest, they were the definite stands out. Totally talented, a fresh take on Americana folk, and just amazing: they totally deserved to win. Oh… and they’re hot. Mmm…

Um… so the Idol commercial is performed to the one song that should never ever have been used, evah… “It’s Tricky.” The Idols play basketball… ish. Woo.

Back to results time:

My love David Cook is safe. (But, of course, had to explain his trip to the hospital first. I think Indiana approves of his answer.)
Ramiele Malubay is, of course, in the bottom three. Her giant fanbase couldn’t keep her safe forever.
Kristy Lee Cook is up next, and assuming that she’s going to the bottom three… and she’s right! Wow… that surprises me a little. (Not disappointed… surprised.)

Another commercial break, and when we come back we get an update on three previous Idols: Bucky, Phil, and Bo Bice. All three of them sound amazing now. And I’m seriously going to pick up Bo’s new album. Niiiice. (He so should’ve won Season 4.) Wha?

More eliminations:

Syesha is safe. (Oh, she is lucky.)
Which means the final slot in the bottom three is either Brooke or Jason. (lame.)
Simon apologizes to everyone… oh so sincerely.
And then Ryan announces that Jason is safe.
Which means that Brooke White is in the bottom three.

When we come back from the break, Ryan dishes more on Idol Gives Back. Sadly, I will be out of town next week, and I’ve no idea if I’m going to get to watch the show that night or not. I’m thinking it might be… not. I know you’ll all miss me terribly, but I will try to post a review if I’m able.

And after that segment, the Idols pass tissues and I need one too. Geez!

Dolly’s up next, singing “Jesus and Gravity.” In true Dolly fashion, it starts with a story. It really is amazing how great she is after all these years. If I look that good at 62… I’m not sure gospel is her thing, really… but the choir was awesome. And she’s such a cutie! Omg! I want to hang out with her for hours, seriously. Totally positive and up. Love.

And finally it’s time for our elimination:

And Brooke is safe… of course.
Kristy Lee Cook is safe. (No Christmas for me.)
And Ramiele is going home tonight.

Here’s hoping she finds herself on tour and can come back to make a really great album, because she totally has the pipes. And despite the tears, she actually sings the song better tonight than last night! Crazy.

Claena's AI Review of Doom -- Top 9

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 05:05:59 GMT

It’s Dolly Parton night… sigh. And, if I’m being honest, I’m not really looking forward to tonight. Country night is traditionally dismal at best. And with only one country singer on the show this year… and said singer being my least favorite contestant of all… well… you get the picture.

But we start with Ryan pulling what might be considered the most transparent April Fools Joke of all time… but of course… it is still Ameeeeerrrrican Idol.

Oh Ryan… how your hotness outshines your geekery.

Dolly is a cutie, though… and she’s written some really great songs. Here’s hoping they don’t get destroyed.

Brooke is up first singing “Jolene.” She goes acoustic with a guitar, percussion, and a violin. And her folk sound falls into the song perfectly. I thought it was a good performance. Nothing amazing, but it’s a great song and she sang it well. And she’s so freaking likable. I will have to agree with Simon, though… it did lacked the passion that this song begs for.

My love David Cook is up next, settled into the psychedelic chair of wrong… with a hotttt new hairdo. Oh, love. He’s singing “Little Sparrow” and is doing his own arrangement. (Take that, haters! Ahahahahaha) He starts off a capella… ish (okay… a sparse organ in the back), and I love it from the first note, of course. He’s playing guitar as well, and I love that he just rests in the ballad, and doesn’t pull it up into some kind of typical rock power ballad. It was beautiful, and more importantly, I can’t wait to hear the studio version! Love, love, love, love…

Love.

*happy sigh*

Ramiele is up next singing “Do I Ever Cross Your Mind” with a ... country vibe. I wonder if this girl is capable of singing a song in any way different from the original... ever. There is something weird about this performance. It’s hard to hear her over the band, and she seemed to lag behind the song a bit. It always feels like she’s holding back or something. Eh. Whatever. She's really just fodder at this point. It's only a matter of whether she or KLC goes home first.

Jason Castro sits in the stool of sadness, and listens to Ryan read some of his fan mail. His voice is like Colorado, in case you’re wondering. (Wha?) He’s singing “Travelin’ Thru.” And again, country songs translate into folk so easily, this feels like it was always sung this way. I just love his voice. I love the way he connects with the song, and the way he just rests in who he is. Fantastic. I love him still. And Simon obviously doesn’t get folk music… which doesn’t surprise me, really. He’s just wrong.

Carly’s singing “Here You Come Again.” She starts out acoustic with a guitar player on the steps. But instead of the emotional, vulnerable performance I was looking for, I think she over sang it. This was just a stark contrast to her “Blackbird” performance for me. Her makeup was awful too… talk about not matching the mood of the song. Weird. She has a beautiful voice, but the whole thing felt very disjointed.

But, seriously, Simon. You let the rose-shirt go, but you pick on the black shirt/red pants of neutralness? REALLY?!!?!?

*sigh*

Sadly, though… the AI stylist is on my list of moronic morons this year.

David Archuleta is singing “Smokey Mountain Memories.” And that was amazing. I couldn’t even type while he sang. Just the passion, and the beautiful, fantastic vocal of love. It was perfection. He gets nothing but love from me this week. So. Great!

Kristy Lee Cook… sigh. She’s singing “Coat of Many Colors,” in all its old fashioned country goodness. Blah. She looks old fashioned. She sings old fashioned. And even in her element she can’t seem to keep it in tune. Ugh. It was okay, but again, she could have been singing a song about puppies and rainbows or one about death and decay and her facial expression would remain the same. She ended it well, but then acts like she’s drunk with her cutesy little sing-songy “I love you, Simon.” God, she’s obnoxious. Did she really just blow a kiss? Really?!?

Horrid, horrid Horsegirl. Haaaaate.

Please… for the love of all that’s holy… PLEASE! Let Horsegirl go home. Please? Just remember when you’re voting… Horsegirl = FAIL™… and vote for anyone else.

Double sigh.

Is anyone at all surprised that Syesha chose yet another Whitney version of a song? Anyone? She goes into this losing points for predictability, and singing “I Will Always Love You.” And then she loses more points for sitting on the piano like a Michelle Pfeifer barfly, and even more for having ugly hair. To her credit, she does change up the arrangement a little. But as much as I’m not a huge Whitney fan, the woman sang the hell out of that song… and Syesha doesn’t have the pipes to even come close. And then she tries to go Whitney at the end and it just doesn’t work. Sadness. She needs to STOP SINGING WHITNEY. God, woman. Learn from your mistakes!

Michael Johns gets the pimp spot, singing “It’s All Wrong, But It’s All Right.” And FINALLY... finally, he drops the rocker and goes back to the blues/soul sound that made me like him so much in his audition! It’s perfect, perfect for his voice. And then he just sings the hell out of the song and makes me love him again. So. Great. Just so great. This is the performance I was waiting for. And Simon is right… this is the best he’s done all season.

So, top picks? Michael Johns, David Cook, David A.

Bottom? Ramiele and KLC… either one could go, but if I’m being honest, Ramiele was far worse than Horsegirl this week. But if you people love me… you could still vote for everyone but KLC. It’ll be like Christmas in April! Horsegirl = Fail™

And everyone likes Christmas... right? Horsegirl = Fail™

RIGHT?!?!? Horsegirl = Fail™